Letter by a Rhetor, Pt. 2

I suggest you read my post from two weeks ago, “Letter by a Rhetor” in order to understand this situation in its entirety, but I will still summarize here.

My roommate owns a very odd pair of shoes; they are called Vibram Five-Fingered shoes and they are essentially a low-top shoe with individual compartments for the toes (like toe socks except they are sturdy like a shoe). The two of us were in the fitness center two weeks ago when, to my roommate’s dismay, he was approached by a member of the staff and was asked to leave the fitness center and change his shoes because the Five-Fingers were prohibited due to safety concerns which the staffer did not specifically explain to my roommate.

My roommate was naturally less than pleased with the situation because his shoes re designed for exercise. Therefore, he decided to write a letter to the head of the fitness building in order to have his shoes reinstated on the grounds that they are exercise shoes and offer no less protection to the feet when walking around a weight room than a pair of running shoes.

He naturally hoped for some sort of acknowledgement, yet he has received no reply in any form in the last two weeks. He was aware that by this point his letter would most likely go unanswered without further correspondence from his part. Therefore, he wrote out a follow-up letter in order to re-establish his aims.

It is important to note that my roommate began by establishing himself as a patron of the fitness program and the sender of the previous letter. He then appeals to the director by underlining the redeeming qualities of the fitness center as well as the improvement in the behavior of the employee who curtly excused him from the premises two weeks prior. He demonstrates his desire to continue working out at the same fitness center with his attention to the qualities of the fitness center. Then, however, he makes a claim that the fitness center has the potential for further self-enhancement, yet this effort is being held back by “restrictive footwear policies”. He goes on to build a strong logos argument by reflecting on his professor’s dismay over the policy and by underlining the purposes of the footwear found on the Vibram website. He also makes it clear that he understands the goal of marketing on the website yet the information should still be considered. Finally, his call to action personally confronts the director and implores him or her to try these shoes for themselves to truly understand their benefits (establishing his ethos as an owner himself).

It is still in the form of a first draft (POSTED BELOW), so let me know what you think about it. What can he do to help this letter yield a timely response from the management and possibly a change in policy?
To Whom It May Concern:

My name is (Name), and I am an active member of the (Fitness Program) and regular (Fitness Building) attendee.  Two weeks ago I wrote a letter to the Director of the (Fitness Building) about an ill-fated encounter with a white building employee and my distress at hearing that five-finger shoes were no longer permitted on the (Fitness Building) premises.  This is simply a follow-up letter to confirm that the first letter was received and inquire about any review of policies.

Since the incident, the offending employee has acted with grace and professionalism toward me and my gym partner.  I can most likely attribute this change to effective management, and I thank you for any action you may have taken.  In general, the (Fitness Building) is an enjoyable place to exercise, play sports, and meet socially with friends and teammates; however, restrictive footwear policies keep the fitness center from achieving its maximum potential.

Over the past two weeks I have had discussions with friends and faculty about restrictions on five-finger shoes at the White Building.  Just yesterday I spoke with (Professor Name), a (College Name) mathematics instructor who shares my love for five-finger shoes.  When he heard about the (Fitness Building)’s policies he was taken aback, and informed me about his new favorite pair of shoes, the Vibram Komodo Sport.  Vibram’s website (vibramfivefingers.com) describes the shoes with sporty phrases like “with today's athlete in mind,”  “aggressive multisport design,” and “functional improvements that appeal to the most active fitness enthusiast.”  As I read the description, I thought about the kind of activities I do at the (Fitness Building) and how the shoes could improve my performance.

Of course, a company website must always champion its products, sometimes even with inflated words.  I encourage you to visit the site, as well as research other companies, read about both the medical faults and benefits, and perhaps even discover the joy of owning your own pair.  I was skeptical until I put on my own five-fingers and felt the closeness with the ground, the control of my body, and the thrill of barefoot running that only five-finger shoes can provide. The largest downside to the new method of activity, as Vibram strongly indicates in its literature, is that the athlete must learn to use the shoes properly and slowly. However, as with all equipment provided at the (Fitness Building), patrons must exercise with care and control.

Sincerely,

(Name)